Transitions

So, I've just come home from my school's sixth form open evening. And it's only just hit me that I'm growing up. Yes, I know, that a really stupid thing to say, but hear me out. I'm currently 15 going on 16 and I always thought I had everything figured out. And to an extent, I do. I know exactly what I want to do for A-Levels, I'm pretty sure about what I want to do at Uni and I have an idea at what I would like to have a career in. But, to me, these have always been dreams and ideas, not plans, and certainly not the set future. Now I'm being asked to make these decisions. And it's scared the crap out of me, to be honest. 

It's just so permanent. So final. I just really want life to slow down. I feels like it's all slipping away from me, like I'm watching someone else make the decisions. It's scary. 

Many of you who actually know me in person will think that I'm very open with my feelings. True is that I'm an iceberg. 90% of me is below the surface, and I prefer it to stay that way. I find it very uncomfortable to voice my feelings and just let them happen. I suppose that's why I like playing music so much. I can just hide behind someone else's words or melody. I think what I'm really scared of is not the actual emotion, it's the thought that if I start, I'll never stop. I don't want people knowing exactly how I feel. I'm more comfortable in my own head.

I digress.

To be frank, Sixth Form Open Evening just scared me more than I was already. This is the rest of my life I'm choosing.

Shit.